Even Geniuses Get Sick Sometimes
by Selacha
Summary: Artemis is sick in bed with the flu. Holly is there to watch over him. But what is this- Is Holly sick too? And would someone as remarkable as Artemis really fall victim to something as simple as the flu? No, no he wouldn't. AFxHS Fluffy Oneshot. Rated T because I'm paranoid.


**A/N: I just love sick/injured fanfics. I think it can be hilarious, adorable, or both to see normally strong, self-reliant characters being babied by other characters. So, I decided to write one about Artemis and Holly. But with a teeny, tiny twist. AxH, kinda (mostly) fluffy. Artemis is, let's say 16? Takes place after TTP, since I don't like the books following it.**

**Disclaimer: I suppose I should start doing these, huh? ****_Artemis Fowl and all related characters are the intellectual property of Eoin Colfer._**** There.**

* * *

Butler ran his eyes over the full length of the empty hallway, gently easing his Sig Sauer back into the holster hidden beneath his jacket. He picked up the platter that had fallen, which had caused him to combat-roll behind a pillar and pull out the handgun. He handed the dented silver tray back to the shaking hands of the young maid, who was blushing furiously and staring at her feet.

_'Poor thing,'_ Butler thought as she ran back to the kitchens with a hastily squeaked "Thank you, Sir!" _'Her first week on the job.'_ Butler had to admit, having all the new staff around made his job a lot easier. He could focus on protecting Artemis. Though the Fowls' somewhat... unsavory history made most people completely terrified to work there, enough could be hired to properly take care of an estate of the scale of Fowl Manor. It was just after 8:00A.M., and the new maid had been roped by Mrs. Fowl into taking a breakfast tray up to Artemis, who hadn't shown up at the table that morning. She had been on her way to his study, where his parents assumed he was focused on a new project, when she had bumped into Butler. And she had been surprised to suddenly find herself face-to-stomach wth the seven-foot manservant. 'Surprised' putting it mildly.

Butler continued his rounds, finally ending up outside the heavy double doors of Artemis' Study. Butler knocked heavily. "Artemis? Stop whatever you've become obsessed with this time and meet your family for breakfast. They're wondering where-" His gravelly voice stopped as he took in the empty room, the ox-blood leather chair untouched at the mahogany desk, the rows of computers silent.

"Hmm..." Maybe Artemis was in his room? Butler walked down a side hall, stepping past a cleaning crew running a vacuum over drapes that had accumulated a decades-worth of dust. He paused at the entrance to Artemis' own chambers. Artemis' room had a standard looking door, 'looking' being the operative word. Butler knew that if Artemis wanted, the door's solid titanium frame would expand into the surrounding door frame, sealing it until he felt it safe to open. Hopefully whatever he was doing didn't make him paranoid enough to seal it. Butler knocked again, his spade sized hand showing a remarkable amount of restraint in not splintering the door.

"Artemis? Are you in there?" Just as Butler started to wonder if Artemis had slipped by him and was already in the dining room, he heard a weak voice call from within the room.

_"__... Butler...?"_

Butler nearly snapped the door off its unbreakable hinges pushing it in. The room was dark, the curtains drawn. The only light came streaming in behind Butler's hulking frame from the hallway. Butler flipped the light switch on only to hear a hissed _"Turn it off!… please..."_ Butler left the light on and walked over to the bed, set against the far wall. A lump was under the covers, shaking slightly.

Butler's hand hovered over the blankets, a knot of apprehension forming quickly and strongly in his stomach. "Artemis...?" He pulled the blankets back, revealing Artemis looking like a corpse- and not the healthy one he normally resembled. His skin was paler than usual and sweaty, his eyes closed and his breathing belabored. He was trembling slightly, as if in pain.

"Artemis!" Butler's hands shot to his charge's shoulders, pulling the boy into a sitting position and shaking him slightly. His eyes cracked open, looking tired and bloodshot.

_"__Hello... Butler, old friend. I think I'm not... feeling so well. I believe it might... be the flu." _His voice was rough, and soft. Butler did one of the things he did best in these situations: He did not panic.

"Artemis, stay here. I'm going to get your parents."

_"__Okay, then..."_

* * *

Butler paced nervously outside Artemis' room, making sure that he could hear the conversation while making sure he wasn't actually eavesdropping. It wasn't as easy as it sounded. And it was only half-working, anyway. He could hear the deep voice of the doctor, arguing with the reedy voice of Artemis. A few mugs of soup had restored most of his voice, though it was still very weak. After a few tense minutes the door burst open and a flustered older man in a white coat stomped out of the room.

"How is he?" Butler asked, his voice tense.

"Hmmph, the stubborn boy refused to let me touch him. Took one look at my degree and scoffed, asking 'what cereal box it came in'. Did his own diagnosis: Fatigue, aches, sweating, nausea. Decided he had the flu, and I'm inclined to agree with him." The doctor polished his glasses on his coat. "I'd say... bed rest for the next week, plenty of liquids and a heating pad for the aches. He seems strong enough to fight it off, but I'm going to prescribe some medication just in case." He pulled a prescription pad out of his coat pocket and scribbled onto it, tearing off the slip and handing it to Butler before storming off.

Butler sighed through his nose; even when sick, Artemis had the incredible talent for annoying adults while belittling them at the same time. He strolled into the room, amused to see Artemis red faced from the heated discussion sitting up in bed. Butler cleared his throat before speaking.

"A cereal box? Really? The man is one of the finest physicians in Dublin."

Artemis flashed his vampire grin, but it was only halfhearted. He really didn't feel well.

"I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself, Butler. It's influenza, nothing serious. A little bed rest and I'll be, how they say, 'right as rain?'." He was trying to stand up when Butler walked over and gently pushed him back into bed.

"Yes, and the resting one should STAY in bed." Artemis scowled. Butler just silently handed him another mug of soup. "Drink. Or, rather, eat." Artemis probably would have argued further, but he just didn't have the energy. Butler picked up a laptop off of Artemis' desk after making sure the boy was eating. He stepped out of the room and powered up one of the many programs Artemis had installed onto the piece of hardware. The tiny camera mounted on the lid flashed on, and two windows popped up. The smaller window showed Butler's face. The larger was black, until it faded into a view of the LEP Ops Center. Butler cleared his throat at the slightly fuzzy shape on the side of the screen.

Foaly's long face filled the screen, shock slowly giving way to slight annoyance. "I could have sworn I got rid of that damn virus last time. D'Arvit, I owe Trouble twenty grams."

Butler just sighed, again. Foaly and Artemis' little hacking war was never ending. "Foaly, I need help with something."

The centaur's ranting immediately ceased. "Sure, big guy. What's wrong?"

"Artemis has the flu, and will be bed ridden for the week."

Foaly just stared at the screen before breaking into a neighing laughter. "Ha-ha-ha! So he is human after all, huh? What do you want me to do, come topside and give him a big hug? Maybe cuddle with him a little?"

"I want some security here. Opal's still on the loose, and Artemis is in no state for another battle with her. It would just make me feel better."

"You know why we can't do that, Butler. If every time one of you gets sick we send a full team up to play SWAT-turned-nurse-maid, we'd be out of healthy fairies in a week."

"Can't you send anyone?"

Foaly let out a soft, whinnying sigh. "Fine. Look, tell you what. Holly's above ground right now on a small security detail. She's just there so she won't get into any more trouble, to be honest. I'll have her stop over for a while. IF she's up for it. I doubt the Mud Boy's attitude has gotten any better with his illness?"

Butler shook his head. "His voice is a little quieter, if that helps."

Foaly sighed again. "I'll give her a buzz. If she wants to help, she'll be there in twenty minutes."

"Good. Thank you, Foaly."

"Yeah, yeah. Give Artemis my sympathy."

"Really?"

"No." He terminated the video link, the sounds of his laughter still echoing.

"Now that was just rude." Butler went back into Artemis' room, placing the laptop back onto the desk. Artemis had finished his soup and was now typing away on another computer nestled on his lap. Butler settled into the chair set near the bedside.

"How is our quadrupedal friend doing?" Artemis asked without looking up from his typing. Butler gently pried the slim laptop out of the boy's hands, ignoring his scowl and grunt of protest.

"_Rest_ implies not working you know. And Foaly is fine. Sends his sympathies."

"Really?"

"No. But he did say he'll ask Holly if she could drop in to keep watch over you."

Artemis scowled at his faithful bodyguard. "Honestly Butler, I am not a fragile china doll just because I am under the weather. I don't need anyone to keep watch over me."

"I'm still worried. Opal has not yet been captured, and if she ever found out about your current infirmity she would attack without hesitation."

"Fine. If it will make you feel more secure in your duties, I'll let Holly 'protect me'. Though I highly suspect by the end of her 'protection' I'll be nothing but a feverish mass of bruises. Bruises the exact size and shape of tiny, fairy fists."

Butler looked sternly at Artemis' face. "I've been meaning to talk to you about that, actually. I can't help but notice that yours and Holly's relationship has become... strained lately. She hasn't been visiting as much, and you two always end up arguing. You already have so few friends, Artemis..."

The look on the young mastermind's face told Butler he had reached a good stopping point. He cleared his throat and changed the subject. "Well, your parents called just before the doctor came. The twins are safely set up with them and Juliet in the Summer house."

Artemis sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Remind me again why they are so paranoid about the twins' health that they're not even concerned about my own medical status?"

"As I've told you before, shortly before your return form Hybras the boys took seriously ill from pneumonia. The experience left your parents a little... overcautious when it comes to their health. Thus explaining their overwhelming need for quarantine whenever anyone falls ill in the household."

Artemis was spared the task of forming a response to the admittedly hurtful truth by a tapping at the window. Butler rose and walked over to the glass portal, opening it wide for a moment before shutting it again. A slight shimmer flew through the gap and seemed to float above the ground before settling down. The shimmer dissolved to leave the form of one Holly Short, standing on the carpeting and taking off her helmet.

"Hey there, big guy." Holly said playfully, walking over to punch Butler's leg lightly.

"Hello, Holly. Good to see you." Butler crouched down low enough to give Holly a bear hug.

"Well, when Foaly calls to say my two favorite Mud Men need help, I'm there." Holly walked past Butler's legs to lean against the chair next to Artemis' bed. "Well, well, well, I never thought I'd see the day. The great Artemis Fowl, scourge of the People, smart enough to outwit Opal Koboi and the genius Foaly, laid low by the common cold." Holly couldn't help but laugh as she climbed into the recently vacated chair so she was on the same level as Artemis.

Artemis scowled at her. "I'll have you know that this is a rather aggressive case of influenza, not the 'common cold', as you so callously put it."

Butler shook his massive head, already feeling the headaches the pair would give him while Holly was playing body guard. "Holly, how long will you be able to stay?"

"Foaly went through Trouble with your concerns about Artemis' safety. Apparently, I've been _'loaned_'as security for the whole week. Yay."

Butler groaned. "I'll just get your room set up then, shall I? I believe we still have about a week's worth of your spare clothing in the closets." He reminded himself to pick up some aspirin when he went to fill Artemis' prescription.

"I really spend a lot of time here, don't I?" Holly tilted her head, pondering her own rhetorical question.

"Not so much lately. I do wish whatever Artemis did to upset you wasn't so terrible, and that he apologizes soon."

"Butler!" Artemis snapped at the giant. "We are not in the middle of any argument, and I have done nothing requiring an apology."

"Fine." Butler raised his hands in surrender. "I just wanted to try and get her to visit more. You definitely seem much more focused when she's around." Butler noticed Artemis blush a small amount at the second sentence. But he missed Holly's slight wince at the first. "I need to go fill your prescription and gather some more supplies." He turned back to the elf, who was currently playing with Artemis' laptop. "Holly, will you be able to watch him until I return?"

"I'm not a child, Butler, I don't need her to 'watch me'!" Artemis struggled to stand, but became light headed and fell back against his covers. Holly jumped up and looked into his face, seemingly reassured by the scowl.

"Of course, Butler." Holly stood stiffly at attention next to Artemis, looking for all the world like a serious soldier at guard duty.

"Good. I'll be back as soon as I can." Butler left the room, closing the door on the sight of Holly looking serious and strong next to the visibly miserable Artemis.

* * *

As soon as the door closed, Holly's set features fell into a tired grimace. She pulled off her LEP suit and stood there in a one-piece, suit crumpled on the floor. She climbed up into the chair again and leaned against the back.

"And the Emmy for best actress goes to... Holly Short!" Her voice wasn't the voice Butler had heard a few minutes ago. Now, her voice was tired and pained. She walked onto the covered bed. "Scootch over, Arty." Surprisingly, Artemis did not argue. He simply shifted and pulled the covers back enough so that Holly could lie down next to him. She shivered until the blankets covered her and Artemis' warm arms wrapped around her slim frame.

"Let me tell you Arty, I feel as bad as you look." She chuckled. So did he.

"You wound me, Holly. But you shall receive none of my sympathy, seeing as how this is all your fault."

"Hey, I said I was sorry! It wasn't my fault Chix got drunk at the last LEP office party and managed to french me in a corner. Took breaking his stupid nose to get him off me. Should have known he was crawling with diseases... Honestly, we're lucky it was something so simple."

"Yes, being laid low for the week by a case of **fairy mono** is just the epitome of luck. Remind me to send him a thank you gift-basket."

Holly sighed as she curled into Artemis' side even more. "Can this wait until I don't feel like I'm about to die? I'm so cold and aching..."

Artemis couldn't help but sigh as he wrapped his arms even tighter around her. "I'm sorry. It's just... I've been a little stressed about the whole situation. If anyone found out the truth..."

"What did you tell your family?"

"I had the flu. What, you think I'd tell them the truth?"

"Well, I know I'd pay to see that conversation play out: _'Mother, Father, I'm feeling rather ill. I seem to have caught a strain of mono from my elf girlfriend. Oh yes, I forgot to mention that I have had a girlfriend for the past year and haven't told you. It's not because I'm embarrassed or anything, it's because she's an elf, and no one's supposed to know she exists.' _Now, that would be priceless."

Her impression of him was spot on, Artemis had to admit. "For the record, I'm _not _embarrassed of you. Mother already knows you exist, and I'm sure Father would be ecstatic to know I do have an interest in females. There were some... questions, about that a few weeks ago." He shivered, either from the memories or the sickness. Holly burst out into flowing laughter. Artemis scowled, but it was poorly hiding a smile; he loved her laugh.

Holly sobered a little. "I'm a little upset about Butler, though. He seems so sad, thinking that we're growing apart. I just want to tell him."

"The blow to his pride would kill him at this point, I think. Not knowing that you've been sneaking in every weekend for the past eight months right under his nose would destroy him." He sighed at the look Holly gave him. "We will tell him eventually. We'll tell all of them eventually." He closed his eyes; talking this much was tiring him out.

He suddenly felt a light weight on his chest, gently compressing him. He opened his mismatched eyes to stare into their matching pair, set into the smiling face of the elf currently leaning close enough to touch noses with him, which she did; she rubbed the tip of her nose against his own. It was such a simple, sweet gesture, yet it left Artemis flushed and with a racing heart. Her arms were on opposite sides of his neck, and her thighs were straddling his stomach. She was still under the blankets, and he could still see her shivering a tiny bit.

"I am sorry I got you sick, Arty." Holly whispered, her lips descending to meet his.

"It wasn't your fault. The blame lies with that drunkard Chix Verbil, and that disease-riddled cesspool of a mouth of his." He whispered against her lips. Their lips locked and melted against each other, slowly moving together. Artemis reached up and engulfed Holly in his arms, pulling her flush against his body in a tight embrace. She wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face against his. He broke away to leave a trail of small kisses against her jaw, her neck, leading up to her pointed ear. He nibbled her earlobe. She moaned softly before recapturing his lips, and she deepened the kiss. Their tongues met and fought playfully, lovingly.

Artemis was the first to break away. Holly settled against his chest, sighing contentedly. "Too tired for any more fun, Arty?"

"Yes." He replied simply. "I feel as if I'm about to fall asleep any moment. Sorry."

Holly yawned. "Me too. But I'm fine with that. You make a surprisingly comfy pillow, you know."

"Yes, you mention it every time you sleep on my chest." They both shifted until they got comfortable.

"How long until Butler gets back?" Holly asked quietly.

"If he's getting my prescription filled, along with picking up the groceries we needed, and I know he's getting you one of those pastries you love from the McLeary bakery, then about 2 hours."

"I love those things... So flaky and sweet."

Artemis leaned over and, as he did every time they were about to drift off, kissed her gently on the forehead. "I love you, Holly. Sweet dreams."

Holly wriggled at his touch. "I love you too, Artemis. Good night."

The pair fell asleep in each others' arms, oblivious to the slight creak of the door as it was firmly shut...

* * *

Butler closed the door to Artemis' room, wincing at the creak it made. He had come back a few minutes after leaving to recheck what flavor pastry Holly loved -she always claimed it was both chocolate and blackberry- and had just opened the door in time to hear the conversation start.

Butler just shook his head, smiling at the image of the two curled up together, their arms wrapped tightly around each other. He **had** been worried about Holly's odd visiting habits. But now that he knew the truth, it made sense. He would have to confront Artemis eventually about the lies, but until then he could only feel happy for the two lovers.


End file.
